


I'm Sick Of Dealing With All The Problems At Hand

by castivak



Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dead Castiel (Supernatural), Dead Mary Winchester, Human Jack Kline, Hurt Jack Kline, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jack Kline Has PTSD, Jack Kline Has a Soul, Jack Kline Needs A Hug, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:21:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27040387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castivak/pseuds/castivak
Summary: sam has stitched plenty of wounds in his life; dean's, his own, mom's, maggie's, random monster victims, the list went on.but, no matter how clean his stitching getting after so much practice (and access to actual medical thread), there was going to be some wounds that made his own hands shake from how sickening the seemed.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947061
Kudos: 44





	I'm Sick Of Dealing With All The Problems At Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Day Fifteen : Stitches.
> 
> a blog i followed mentioned how jack has a lot of self harm background and issues and yeah this happened.

sam has stitched plenty of wounds in his life; dean's, his own, mom's, maggie's, random monster victims, the list went on.  
  
but, no matter how clean his stitching getting after so much practice (and access to actual medical thread), there was going to be some wounds that made his own hands shake from how sickening the seemed.  
  
" _sam......i d_ _id something really stupid._ "  
  
sam very gently held jack's forearm, the blonde silent as the cuts on his arm got sewed up, the hunter occasionally seeing him wince or use his free hand to wipe at his eyes, obviously trying his best to be still despite the natural tremors that were coursing through him, making it difficult for sam to work but it would've been incredibly difficult either way.  
  
 _a bloody archangel blade clattering to the floor accompanied by_ _liquid dripping onto the cement and staining it._  
  
sam sealed the last cut, setting down a bloody needle and gently wiping off access blood before wrapping jack's arm up, "m'sorry." jack whispered, almost too quietly for sam to hear, "don't be sorry, jack." he cooed and the nephilim just shook his head, "it's too much." he mumbled, voice shaky and hoarse, "what's too much?"  
  
"i've done so much bad.....it keeps happening, no matter what i do."  
  
"jack---"  
  
"don't tell me that i'm good. don't lie." jack mumbled, anger in his tone but sam knew that it wasn't meant for him, the blonde pulling his knees to his chest and taking his bandaged arm away from sam, holding it in his free hand, "killing god doesn't make me good and being a kid doesn't mean i'm good. nothing you say makes me good, i'm even worse than lucifer ever could've been." he continued, sam opening his mouth to interject because _no, that's nowhere near true_ but jack wasn't done, "i can't even die right, i'm weak enough to hurt, but what for? is it punishment? is it karma?"  
  
"jack."

"is he playing with me even after death? did i fail again and we just think we've won?"  
  
"jack."  
  
"is anything ever gonna go right? am i just destined to do nothing good ever? am--"  
  
" _jack_."  
  
jack snapped out of his self loathing spiral, looking up at sam with tearful eyes, reminding the hunter that he was just kid and he's been through the worst of the worst, "jack, you're not a failure. you beat chuck and you survived, that makes you strong." sam cooed, the blonde taking a shaky breath and a tear slipping as he kept looking at sam, "you are good, and it's not just because you're a kid. it's because you're doing your best and everything bad that has happened, you never actually wanted to happen."  
  
"but........i killled---"  
  
"you didn't."  
  
"i killed them, sam. your mother and castiel are dead and i'm the one who did it."  
  
sam sighed a little, "jack, what happened with cas wasn't your fault. he did that so you could have a chance at a life." he cooed, while the angel's death left a huge hole in everyone's hearts, it was done so that jack wouldn't die from billie's plans, it was a sacrifice for his son. "and.....you didn't kill mom."  
  
"what? no, i did."  
  
"billie talked to me and dean that night."  
  
that night was terribly bittersweet, defeating the bastard who had been viewing them as pets their whole lives, but losing a member of the family for real this time and nearly losing jack for a third time, having to carry two bodies back home because one was a corpse and the other's body too stressed from killing two gods to keep him awake.  
  
"what.....what'd she day?" jack stammered, looking terrified to hear the answer and if he was actually hurting so much over someone else's fault, "she told us the truth about mom, who actually killed her."

billie appeared after they had put jack to bed, saying a few words of congratulations and condolences before handing them mary's book, seeing who really killed their mother.  
  
the guilt was still agonizingly heavy.  
  
"but, i--"  
  
"chuck did, it was all for the big ending that he had planned for us."  
  
sam couldn't tell what jack was feeling, eerily still and quite as he processed the information, his lips moving as if he was trying to say something but his throat couldn't make sounds, it being a long moment before he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with a hand, letting out a muffled sob.  
  
sam didn't even hesitate, immediately up and wrapping his arms around jack and holding the boy close, feeling his body shaking through his cries as everything came crashing down, the hunter unable to tell if he was crying out of relief, mourning, or anger; probably all of those, honestly.  
  
"i'msorryi'msorryi'msorry--"  
  
sam shushed him, pulling him closer to his chest and keeping a tight hold on him, feeling tears soak through his shirt as jack processed the fucked up information, knowing that he should've told jack about it within the hour that the kid woke up, but having needed two days to process the information himself; "you're loved, okay? by all of us."  
  
jack didn't say anything, just crying more and sam rubbed his back, giving his kid the comfort and affection that he deserved more than anything.

**Author's Note:**

> don't mind the spelling/grammar mistakes. i'm lazy by nature and don't pay attention to things.


End file.
